Felt the need to post. Mostly because of guilt, not because I had a brilliant idea for an article.
Guilt runs in our family on my mom’s side. It’s like diabetes, but harder to control. She was raised with it; maybe because she’s Catholic and they’re supposed to feel guilty about something. Maybe because her parents were terminally unhappy people. She was raised hearing things like “Slouch so you’re not taller than your short brothers.” or “You almost killed your mother when you were born, that’s why your dad didn’t see you for the first week of your life.”
She couldn’t help that her brothers looked like yard gnomes. Or that her dad was an asshole that didn’t understand biology or how to gain control of his emotions.
So I guess this post is about guilt. I don’t want to let followers down. But if I don’t post something good (and it has to be BRILLIANT!) I’ll feel guilty.
I take Prozac for depression, and I’ve learned that most of what I worry and feel guilty about will never happen. It’s in my imagination. True feelings of guilt should be reserved for when I say or do something because I haven’t thought it out. Not because someone doesn’t agree with me. Or because I live in a forty-five year old mobile home.